Meet Aaron Siebers. The 27-year-old Denver man, a Blockbuster employee, was skateboarding yesterday afternoon when he fell and ripped his uniform pants. Due to work last night–and concerned about getting “written up” by Blockbuster superiors for not wearing his work-issued khakis–Siebers came up with a harebrained idea.

Instead of just calling in sick, he stabbed himself in the leg and showed up at work claiming to have just been attacked by three Hispanic males. Siebers, who told cops he was assaulted as he walked toward the Blockbuster in Edgewater, had a deep stab wound in one leg and several other minor cuts on his face and stomach. As investigators began hunting for the assailants, they reviewed surveillance video from outside a Target store where Siebers claimed the attack occurred.

The footage, however, showed no such assault. Confronted by cops, Siebers, pictured in the below mug shot, admitted that he had stabbed himself. He told investigators about the skateboarding accident, the resulting ripped pants, and how “he did not want to lose his job so he stabbed himself in the leg,” according to an arrest affidavit sworn by Officer Shawna Naumann. As a result, Siebers was named in a criminal complaint charging him with filing a false report and obstructing police, both misdemeanors.

Good job, Aaron. Due to your quick thinking or lack thereof, you have been bestowed the latest The Republican Temple Homer Simpson Citation.

Well folks, it has been awhile since I issued a Homer Simpson Citation.  Well today is the day for one to be issued.  And it goes to someone who absolutely deserves one.  The asshat’s name?  None other than BSNBC’s Keith Olbermann.  View the clip and you’ll see why he deserves one.

To prove that even terrorist organizations have brain cramps in implementing their strategies, according to the Associated Press, a wanted Taliban commander was killed by US troops who had surrounded a house in Ghazni province in Afghanistan.  While that in and of itself is newsworthy, the circumstances of the commander getting knocked off are unusual – he died not wearing a Taliban uniform or whatever that organization typically wears.  Get this – he was wearing a burqa (a full-covering dress that Afghan women wear customarily).  I am not joking; he tried to dress as a woman.

As it were, he was being targeted by NATO (including the US) and Afghan troops; the occupants of the house that he was in were ordered to leave.  Six women and 12 children left the building, but while soldiers were questioning the women, they discovered that one of them was dressed in the aforementioned burqa.  The cross-dresser, aka Taliban commander Haji Yakub, tried to attack the soldiers and was killed.  apparently Yakub directed bomb and suicide attacks against Afghanistan’s coalition and government forces in the province.  Three other militants – presumably dressed a bit more normally – were killed, as well in the raid.

Several things were accomplished here.  Firstly, our troops knocked a top Taliban henchman.  Secondly, it puts more teeth into the argument that more troops need to be moved over to Afghanistan in order to eradicate the Taliban and other minor terrorist cells.  Thirdly, it also validates what should have been known all along – President Bush’s war strategy was correct all along.  Lastly, what was this Taliban goon thinking?  Dressing up as a woman?  My best guess is that either he was entirely too tall to make looking like a woman plausible or he simply forgot to shave.  Because of his lack of planning, the deceased Taliban commander gets a Homer Simpson Citation – albeit posthumously.  I wonder how Afghans say “D’oh”?

In light of the seriousness of Veteran’s Day and what it represents, a little humor on this holiday never hurt anyone, now does it?  We all know that there’s more dumb criminals than you can shake a stick at, yet they seem to make their way into the landscape – by being dumb.  And I am one of those who – like many others – have claimed to have seen it all.  But this takes the cake – probably for now.

According to the Associated Press, police in Florida arrested a Connecticut man after he attempted to steal communion wafers during a church service Saturday in Jensen Beach, FL.  Specifically, the Martin County (FL) Sheriff’s Office said that John Samuel Ricci, 33, of Canton, CT, was cornered by parishioners when he grabbed a handful of communion wafers from the priest during communion services last Saturday.

Ricci was held down by six or seven offended parishioners when deputies arrived at St. Martin de Porres Catholic Church in Jensen Beach; Ricci was charged with 2 counts of simple battery, theft and disruption of a religious assembly and is currently being held on $2,000 bond at the Martin County Jail.  I guess there has to be degrees of stupidity in the commission of a crime, but this is without a doubt top-tier stupidity.  And for his act, The Republican Temple bestows upon one John Samuel Ricci of Canton, CT a non-political Homer Simpson Citation and a hearty “D’oh!!”

Yes, Joe Biden speaks…which, depending on your point of a view may be a good thing. Maybe his name should be D’oh Biden – speaking of D’oh, Biden gets a Homer Simpson Citation for his efferts.